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5.11.17

how I feel about October 12th, 2017

The first decade of my life, I think I was successfully being a kid.
I don't remember much what I did, but from the stories I've heard, I picture myself as this clever, brave, and naughty tomboy who catches everyone's heart and attention.

The second decade of my life, I'm pretty sure I was successfully being a teenager.
I have all the problems all the teenagers had. I remember having my share of rebellious deeds that made my parents' heart up to the beat, but I also do remember achieving many great things to ease all their worries.

The third decade of my life, I'm well convinced by many that I am in fact, successfully (almost) passing my young adult phase.
I did responsible for a higher level of rebellion, I did make regrettable decisions, but I also did all the things I'm pretty sure not many people my age can endure nor surpass it.

All in all, I feel like, I've always lived a good life for the past twenty nine years. And I am so thankful for all the people I've ever met for they shaped me this way, that not even once I ever regret being myself.

But these past few weeks, I feel like I am not sure of how things will be going on, on the next stage of my life. And for the first time in my life, I feel so uncertain of what to aim. I started to questioned a lot of things. I started to plan too many things.

I remember a friend of mine asking me if I'm freaking out about being 29 because she is, and I answered no, I was freaking out when I turned 28, but 29? No. But what I've just realized these past few days is, that I might not get freaked out instantly the time I reached 29, but the fear is definitely eating my soul slowly.

Well, I can write a long list of what I fear about and what kind of worries eating me now, but to keep my sanity, and to remind myself of all the possibilities of the-next-great-things, here's my feel-good list of things I cherish and I'd like to do in the near or far future:

visit Meteora
go on  a hike
learn how to swim. for real.
good cup of coffee
bookstore
and new books
and catchy catch phrases. underlined.
doing laundry at my parents' house
Marc Jacobs Mod Noir
Philip Seymour Hoffman's movies
lazy Saturday
strong booze
being a mother
art exhibitions
skincare routine

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