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Basically I just post whatever I wanna post here.



I've just found an interesting (if not kinda shocking) fact about a person I know. Long story short, as cliche as it may sound, no matter how naive you are, you gotta admit it, people change.

Maybe they're just bored, maybe they've found something worth changing, maybe they're facing difficulties they couldn't bare, maybe it's their deepest desire the whole time; whatever the reason is, in the end, all we know is that they've changed.

It makes me wonder, how much it takes for people I know (and care about) to change, but even more, how much it takes for me to change. I mean people grow, therefore they're changing, but how much it takes to not just grow, but more of taking a leap. Or taking different direction.

There are many many thoughts in my head lately. So many things to decide, so many problems, so many options, so many fears of regret. But knowing my acquintance's story suddenly gives me some kind of "fuel", to go beyond the expectation. Because sometimes, your brain screens things that seem unfamiliar. So just let loose, step in to the unfamiliarity. You never know what you'll find, but it is okay, because sometimes you don't have to know.


What I wrote on my bedroom wall.


(just in case u forget)

Lie to Me S02E02

God put a smile on your face :)

So here's to us.

c'est en mourant qu'on ressuscite a l'eternelle vie.

may God bless you and keep you always..

dona nobis pacem.

how I feel about October 12th, 2017

The first decade of my life, I think I was successfully being a kid.
I don't remember much what I did, but from the stories I've heard, I picture myself as this clever, brave, and naughty tomboy who catches everyone's heart and attention.

The second decade of my life, I'm pretty sure I was successfully being a teenager.
I have all the problems all the teenagers had. I remember having my share of rebellious deeds that made my parents' heart up to the beat, but I also do remember achieving many great things to ease all their worries.

The third decade of my life, I'm well convinced by many that I am in fact, successfully (almost) passing my young adult phase.
I did responsible for a higher level of rebellion, I did make regrettable decisions, but I also did all the things I'm pretty sure not many people my age can endure nor surpass it.

All in all, I feel like, I've always lived a good life for the past twenty nine years. And I am so thankful for all the people I've ever met for they shaped me this way, that not even once I ever regret being myself.

But these past few weeks, I feel like I am not sure of how things will be going on, on the next stage of my life. And for the first time in my life, I feel so uncertain of what to aim. I started to questioned a lot of things. I started to plan too many things.

I remember a friend of mine asking me if I'm freaking out about being 29 because she is, and I answered no, I was freaking out when I turned 28, but 29? No. But what I've just realized these past few days is, that I might not get freaked out instantly the time I reached 29, but the fear is definitely eating my soul slowly.

Well, I can write a long list of what I fear about and what kind of worries eating me now, but to keep my sanity, and to remind myself of all the possibilities of the-next-great-things, here's my feel-good list of things I cherish and I'd like to do in the near or far future:

visit Meteora
go on  a hike
learn how to swim. for real.
good cup of coffee
and new books
and catchy catch phrases. underlined.
doing laundry at my parents' house
Marc Jacobs Mod Noir
Philip Seymour Hoffman's movies
lazy Saturday
strong booze
being a mother
art exhibitions
skincare routine



Every time I'm thinking about my grandma, I feel like spontaneously booking a flight to her home.
Every damn day I pray that God protect her each second, fill her heart with happiness, keep her healthy, wash away all her worries and sorrows.
Some random day, I worried sick that I can loose her suddenly, which always bring me river of tears and paranoia, then I pray to God that I can be by her side when she leaves this world.
I don't think I can love anyone else this much. And I don't think anyone can content my heart the way she does.

I love you so much, Eyangti. Please be healthy and may God granted you a long happy life.



It's been a while since my real last blog post.
Well to be honest, I don't really have a target whatsoever for this blog,
it feels like I will wrote whenever and whatever I wanna write,
no deadline nor border.

Anyway, I feel like going on with my "currently" post, so here we go..

Thanks to my office mate, Christy, now I'm on Spotify, and through this apps I explore more music than my usual same old same old. On daily basis at the office I sometimes explore some new music directed by Spotify weekly, but on my seeking-for-comfort time like before sleep or while on travel, I still digging for the ultimate comfort my same old same old playlist never failed to serve. I feel not well since five days ago, with heavy flu and tons of deadlines and works, I played Coldplay's U.F.O. on loop since this morning.

Movies & Series.
It's been a loooong time of no movies and series for me. I was so drawn on works and my exercise schedule. Most time, I feel so tired that my spare minutes only covers some Youtube videos and Instagram posts for leisure. Been cravings to watch GIRLS since it's their final season, also to watch Beauty and the Beast for no reasons beside my heavy fancy-ing on children movies.
Anyway I just realized after strolling along my old blogpost (now already closed) on some movie reviews, I remember my fondness on movies like Happiness, The Station Agent, The Squid and The Whale, Savages, etc. and I find it hard to find those kind of movies these days. IMDB recommendation don't do much, so I definitely need some movies recommendation.
Oh, for reference I watched Manchester by the Sea last time and fall so hard for the stories and visuals, I think that kind of movie will do for me.

I just had a quick trip to Solo for a cousin's wedding. And as always, this city never fails to capture my heart. I feel like I don't wanna leave. This strange feelings left in my heart after each visit, like a lost and vast hope. Weird, but true. I feel so hazy rite now.

To accompany me on my trip to Solo, I brought my brand new Nh Dini - Dari Ngalian ke Sendowo book. And I feel like "finally I found the right book". So since December I've been drowned and fascinated by Murakami's books. I keep reading his books since I feel like finally I find something that makes me feel like I don't wanna stop reading. But since January I promise myself not to buy new books before I finish all my unread books, in short I read all my Murakamis but cannot purchase another Murakami, and I find all the books I purchased not so interesting. Till that Nh Dini book.
Yesterday when I visit Gramedia, I look for another Nh Dini book (well, I know, I'm not supposed to buy another book before finish all those unread books, but Indonesian books area sooo cheap, I think one book will do no harm ;p ), but sadly they don't have Nh Dini books anymore. So sad, I think I have to search on book market.

Well, I think that's all for now. I wish I can write more often since there area actually so many thoughts flying inside my head.


About 2016.

2016 holds a lot of feelings in my hearts.

I remember walked into this year with regret, the feelings stayed for quite a long time, buried my soul in the mud of the unanswerable "what if".

Then somehow in the middle, everything was a sheer of cloud, the gloomy feeling still there but most of the time, the sun shine right through and warm the surface up.

The end of the year was the one where finally, after all the so perfectly planned journey, I feel like being footloose for once, trying a sip of youth. Which ended with nothing but chaos.

Overall, I think 2016 had taught me pretty great lessons, and opened my eyes upon how wonderfully tragical and beautifully weird beings are.

I know that the year haven't ended just yet, but somehow I just wish that it will be remain this way till the very end, because I can't measure how many extra mile I can really bare.

And for the weirdest reason of all, I believe 2017 will be nothing but golden sparks.